Notes on autism
A D.I.Y. pocket project
Having not really engaged with understanding my disability until later in life (about two decades after being diagnosed and of chronic self-shaming) I made the decision over a year ago to jot down some quick notes about how I would describe the condition from my point of view.
Inevitably this will sound like some sort of unreadable Musk-like rambling to most folk (and will be disavowed by the man himself probably) but in my infinite wisdom I have decided to plonk it in the modern day Akashic Records for some reason.
These have been edited from the originals to provide clarification and clean up things. Bold text is me chipping in. From the FUTURE
Message begins thus:
autism notes
sociological disorder, not just neurological
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masking:
having to pretend to be a bit grumpy and tired when you are clearly in a good mood
in a neurotypical context an example would be proper behaviour in public or in certain situations
mirroring:
unconscious or conscious mimicking or acting - e.g. acquiring feminine traits if spending time in a female majority group or attempting to act as one unit in a football firm
stimming:
used as stress relief, to bring the brains processing up to a certain speed
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quoting television/film/radio/lyrics/poetry/scripture
using television and media to learn how to communicate with people
communication differences:
cite links to magpie 1972 football, blue peter f5000 1975 mechanic (note: this isn’t meant to be offensive)
the influence of media on normal conversation/communication, dating from ancient theatre to dank tiktok memes
e.g. comparison of american english to british english, reading something in a american accent
working class people gravitate towards the new nultiracial english roadman accent because it is new and is a clear sign of progression in comparison to commodified accents such as cockney and RP English
difficulty articulating - thinking as if speaking out loud
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can seem authoritarian or educational, used as a reference to desperately keep in touch with the apparent collective social conscience of certain groups (essentially becoming an amateur sociologist, probably one of the main reason why female women struggle to get a diagnosis)
e.g. brian limonds livestreams, in-jokes, the beatles
people naturally want a representation of reality and themselves within media (Still Game as a clear example in Scotland, actively a form of discrimination such a show is now no longer on the telly or the internets)
explanation of things that people seem to know intuitively (I can make references sometimes as a result, i.e. joking about the Red Bull F1 teams breeding program)
e.g. sport - replacement of war, controlled and regulated competition as a social necessity, understanding of sporting culture (rugby is for posh people and the attitude players have toward officials is a form of cultural enforcement they learn from when they first start playing)
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systems based social interaction (systematising, systematic analysis)
social skills need to be learnt manually (this involves reading books sadly, I prefer visual stuff)
hidden social rules in media, e.g surrealism of coronation street, cheesiness of grim dramas or films (it’s Big Jim McDonald so it is, also this surrealism also disguises and disfigures any kitchen sinkism or social commentary, the latter of which may not be welcomed by some)
socialising is like a muscle - needs to be exercised frequently in order for it to work properly (we all have to learn to tolerate idiots and we should be taught this from an early age)
social functions such as buying someone a present can seem purely functional from the autistic point of view - there is no inherent meaning or emotion behind giving gifts for some autistic people, the act is just a functional lever to fulfill a vague social quota although this can change.
e.g, "please dont get me any more birthday presents, it doesnt mean anything to me. just tell me what you were thinking of getting me and ill buy it myself because i don’t want to put the effort in to get you something in return to make it even" (Obviously this is horrifyingly insulting but hopefully you see what I mean here)
there could be objective social rules as to how you should look (in recent years this has become more flexible but ultimately doesn’t disguise natural hierarchical differences, also some people just wear clothes to be comfortable and being fashionable can be a classist barrier at times)
lack of life experience means that being sociable is more difficult since the person affected might not have much to talk about and will not be used to differing personalities (childhood isolation having a long term effect on making friends)
80 20 rule - having to work at socialising so you find the 20% that you get on with (and even then you have to be careful so as not constantly go back into that safe space of people)
socialising is work, a chore
tabula rasa (blank slate)
deep rooted social explanations needed, social stories
burnout from socialising (Having to constantly read social cues and work out hidden agendas and intentions)
routines, ritualistic behaviour, need for clarity and certainty
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mentally preparing oneself for change
limited diet
more susceptible to drugs and promiscuity - both drain energy that may be needed for socialising (some people can drink, smoke, do drugs without any issues, others become dependent on them to function or die)
more vulnerable to seizures until mid 20s (wasn’t allowed to play a lot of video games when I was younger for this reason)
sensory issues affect ability to exercise
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difficulty adjusting to different accents and dialects (This is why I identify as Anglo-Scot since growing up with English speaking parents and being isolated means I’m not as familiar with Scottish voices as I should be, especially considering most English language media has a generic English/American voice
most men speak in a monotone voice and speak less to optimise information and remove any emotional tones which may conflict with the meaning of their speech (the media age sadly affects our perception of people like this even if they are geniuses, also too much happiness)
manual adjustment of tone of voice and mood to fit social situations
no real idea about how men are supposed to socialise outside of work (being brought up in an environment dominated by women and having mostly females as authority figures)
can't laugh (Most comedy is based on intuitive social observation, again why I struggle to be Scottish since I lack what the Greeks call “philia” - but here’s a recent example of something that made me actually laugh
)
trendy things seem authoritarian, fear of enjoyment (it’s easy to be happy so there’s more to life than happiness)
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you cant just use polite language, you have to be genuinely polite, you can tell when people don't mean it (just because you can adhere to Parliamentary Language doesn’t mean you don’t sound like an idiot)
talking about oneself too much sounds selfish and pretentious, egotistical and rather dull, as if ones self importance matters more than others (“blatantly obvious”)
man by default is a pagan animal in terms of communication and behaviour - rude, arrogant, egotistical, violent (There has to be an initial conflict or competition between men before they can develop more complex relations with each other and this has to happen from time to time to maintain the stability of the relationship)
in nature this is necessary to stand up to rivals and survive
in society this is reflected in a variety of safe outlets - sport, music, appropriate hobbies
we have to understand how man acts naturally in order to utilise and adapt said behaviours to create a functioning and civilised society
boasting and bragging is a risky social strategy - forcing yourself into a position whereby you have to prove yourself or face some form of social rejection
handicaps are proof of masculinity- if you are hindered by injury, bad machinery, or lack of natural talent but still win that's impressive (this is an exaggeration - people gravitate to the God-King types, the GOATs)
Music:
possible preference for complex music, normal music uses up energy (music for the head - classical, prog, jazz. Another point about classical is that it isn’t for the hoity toity at all, it is purely about the structure. Most music is about le sex.)
tempo and type of music according to mood
music is much more of an intense experience
fast tempo music used to prepare oneself for fast changing situations
more likely to listen to music of a mental nature rather than pop music
scale of music goes from dance/pop music (basic desires) to sacred music
taste in music subject to harsh criticism - music for creeps, psychopaths, cheesy music, tunes listened to by junkies
people seem to care more about singers than instruments
music just fills the void of silence
music becomes a basic form of consumption
music is about feel and fashion, not just content
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brain often seems to trigger unwanted memories or music during times of stress or anxiety (meltdowns/shutdowns)
energy accounting - listing what activities give the person energy and what drains them
brain seems to register seeing real humans and on a screen as a form of social interaction
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brain can be tricked into believing something has already happened purely by thinking about it
needing to be kept busy to avoid overthinking
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stigma of autism, stereotypes
neurological differences related to positions of authority in society (I know people hate the word classism but it does apply somewhat here)
e.g overcoming neurological and sociological differences between the Crown and the public, improving understanding and communication between the two, improving relations
-work-
socialising outside of work
actively being interested in other colleagues at work is more difficult than the work itself (“lol why would you admit a weakness like that you idiot”)
suggesting a social activity to others instead of just being invited all the time and tagging along
asking questions without interrogating
once invited to something you have to reciprocate by inviting them to something else - reciprocation as a general rule (vicious circle! I probably overthought this)
talking about yourself at first to strangers then asking questions and being interested in others
systems based analysis of workflow
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alexithymia - difficulty understanding and processing emotions
moods or emotions have to be exaggerated by the autistic person for them to really enunciate their feelings
And that’s it for now.